When are you having another baby?

People ask me and Glenn quite often when or if we will have another child. I’m not telling any fibs when I say that the idea of a second child is wonderful. Being a family of four sounds so lovely. Having a little tot crawling around the house and having baby cuddles with.

However, I always wonder whether I could handle it. Not as in the sleepless nights, dirty nappies or the fact my boobs will triple in size and leak about a gallon of milk when someone pushes past me in a queue (even though that is a very valid point on its own!) Or the fact that you have to do about 10 ten washes a day, or the £700 nursery bills…going off track a bit here….But mentally, am I ready? Will I ever be ready? 

There are so many questions that I want answered first. Could what happened to Vi happen to the next child? What if it does? Do I have to have a c-section again? What if my epidural goes wrong again? How will I be able to cope with two children and be poorly myself? What if I get ill again? What if I don’t get better as quickly as I did last time?

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So a little message to Vi…

If you are ever reading this when you are older and you haven’t had a brother or sister, it isn’t because your Mum doesn’t want you to be big sister – it is because your Mum is so scared. Scared that something so small will break her heart again. Scared that something she loves so much will make her cry like she has never cried before. Scared of the future.

But Vi my little love, you may have broke my heart but you also mended it with extra strength super glue and made it stronger and better. You may of made me cry a river but you certainly have taught me to smile and laugh in a whole new way. And Vi you have made me see that the future isn’t anything to be scared of, it is something to be ready for. Not everyday is going to be a doddle but having the people you love around you sure makes you prepared for anything the future may have in store…

Love you with all my pieced-back-together heart.

Mum xx

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